The Devil's Beatitudes

It's coming to the end of the semester at the seminary. Stress level is high. Deadlines are looming near. Exams are coming soon. Thesis writing students are wondering why they never start working on their thesis earlier. So perhaps it is a good time to take a short break, and enjoy some humour, one that I received from my colleague.

The Devil's Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his Beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

Blessed are those Christians who are TOO TIRED, TOO BUSY, too distracted to spend time with their fellow Christians in Church -
for they are my best workers and candidates to backslide.

Blessed are those Christians who WAIT TO BE ASKED and EXPECT TO BE THANKED -
for I can use them to slow things down.

Blessed are those Christians who are TOUCHY; with a bit of luck they may STOP GOING TO CHURCH and get others to quit -
they are my missionaries.

Blessed are those Christians who are VERY RELIGIOUS but GET ON EVERYONE'S nerves -
they are my most effective stumbling blocks.

Blessed are those Christians who are TROUBLEMAKERS -
they are my best wrecking crew.

Blessed are the COMPLAINERS -
they are my best discouragers. I'm all ears to them.

Blessed are those Christians who have NO TIME TO PRAY -
they are easy prey for me.

Blessed are they who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -
for they get nothing out of his sermons.

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church -
for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are they who gossip -
for they shall cause strife and divisions that pleases me.

Blessed are they who are easily offended -
for they will soon get angry and quit.

Blessed are they who do not give their offering to carry on God's work -
for they are my helpers.

Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister -
for he shall be with me forever.

Blessed are YOU when you read this and THINK IT IS ABOUT OTHER people and not yourself -
I've got you!